Parenting Like John Wooden

I find myself frustrated at times because day after day I have to ask my girls to pick up after themselves.  Kids are messy and although I like things clean and organized now, I was messy as a kid also.  I remember at five-years-old my room looked like a bomb went off and I would draw and write on everything.  I mean everything…with a SHARPIE! Luckily, I grew out of that phase and as I became a teenager I began keeping my room spotless and organized, thanks to my parents leading by example and of course giving me chores.  

Over the years I have tried every approach to try to get my kids to get it through their stubborn little minds that they need to pick up after themselves, even to the point of yelling.  I am talking Italian temper, lose my cool, yelling.  P.S. that doesn’t work at all!!  I have learned that although I believe every parent loses their head at times and gets all up in their children’s chilly with some yelling, when we really analyze that approach it doesn’t work.  I agree with John Wooden when he says, “There is nothing stronger than gentleness.”  Keep in mind, as parents, we are all human and it is okay to lose it on your kids at times.  We aren’t perfect…I even quoted Sue Atkins in my blog introduction when she says, “There’s no such thing as a perfect parent.  So just be a real one.” 

Listen…I am only 35-years-old.  I have only been a mom for 14 years…beginning with my bonus daughter, Kailey.  So, I don’t have this parenting thing figured out and I trust that I won’t until my daughters are all grown and out of the house.  Then at that point, I will have my grandkids…to do everything right that I did wrong as a parent. 

Despite not having all the answers to parenting, I am intentional about trying my best to figure it out.  So, this week I tried a new approach to getting my girls to pick up after themselves and it worked!  It was the John Wooden “lead by example” approach.  If you don’t know John Wooden, stop what you’re doing and Google him and then get every book ever written about him or by him.  He will benefit your life.  John Wooden is arguably the best coach and most influential man in the history of basketball.  He is a legend to people on and off the basketball court.  His life lessons and approach to coaching and life will make you a better human and a better parent.  

According to Wooden, one of the more powerful ways of mentoring (helping others to be the best they can be and rise above expectations) is to lead by example.  I am learning the power of example…especially in my parenting.

John Wooden talks of walking into locker rooms, picking up trash off the floor and putting into waste baskets, picking up towels and placing them in dirty clothes bins, and realizing that by the simple act of respecting place and space that his players would quickly do the same without ever being asked.  Instead of Wooden getting frustrated with his players for not picking up after themselves, he would pick up after them himself.  The players began noticing and they too started picking up after themselves and Wooden never had to say a word.  He led by example.  Opposing teams would call Wooden after a basketball game and would complement him, telling him that his team was the only team that would leave the locker room cleaner than when they arrived.  

So, this week I took Wooden’s approach.  One morning as the girls left for school, I told them that when they got home from school, the house would be spotless.  I did clean every room; however, I left only their items that they left lying around the house.  Then, when they got home, I had them walk through each room and ask them what they noticed.  They noticed that the house was very clean, except I didn’t pick up their items.  I would then start picking up their items and put them away where they belong.  Grace instantly chimed in and said they would do the rest and then she began cleaning her room and Allie followed.  Before I knew it, their stuff was picked up and their rooms were clean.

I never had to get onto them.  I led by example.  I was intentional about leaving their things where they lie so they would notice all the things that they leave lying around the house that I would normally pick up.   

There are so many parenting styles and every child is different and requires different approaches, but I would encourage you to try the “lead by example” approach.  You will be surprised how effective it really is.