As
many of you know from reading Allie’s adoption story, I adopted Allie from my
sister and had her from day one.
Adoption brings with it a series of emotions that are truly hard to put
into words. My sister asked me to adopt
Allie when she was almost five months pregnant.
Without hesitation I said yes. I
just knew this was God’s plan and we had no idea the blessings Allie would
bring to our family and everyone she meets.
She really is a remarkable child.
My mom always tells her she was a rosebud in heaven just waiting to be
bloomed and a very special rosebud she was.
If
you’ve not had the pleasure of meeting Allie, you’re missing out. Her spirit is unlike any I have met in a
child. Sure, I may be biased, but I have
met few like her.
After
the incredible and emotional adoption took place, July 15, 2011 (there is a six-month
guardianship process in the state of Missouri) we were living and loving life. Allie was the easiest baby and she had a
disposition that would make people stop in their tracks and come love on
her. Even her pediatrician said her
disposition was rare. I think back to
when she was a newborn to her early toddler years and they were truly magical. We lived in Peachtree City, Georgia when she
was a baby and her favorite thing to do was get in the golf cart and go for a
drive. She would smile and lay quite the
whole time, just soaking up the warm southern air.
During
this time, there was one thing that constantly entered my mind…how will I tell
Allie she is adopted. Our situation is
more unique because my sister is her birth mother. That adds an added layer of complexity. I have spoken to so many families over the
years who have adopted, and everyone has their own thoughts and feelings on
this topic. Adoptive parents must
determine what and when they will tell their children about their adoption, but
I have very strong convictions and have learned from experience (both from my
own as well as others) that it is so important to begin this conversation as
early as possible so that it becomes a comfortable part of a child’s vocabulary
and identity.
The
research that I did and the conversations I had with our pediatrician, social
worker and attorney all said that starting this conversation early (even when
you don’t think they understand) will make it just a normal part of who they
are. Doing this lays a solid foundation
so when you finally sit them down at an age to tell them their full adoption
story, they feel established enough in their family not to feel threatened by
learning about their adoption (doctors suggest between ages of 6 and 8 years
old).
The
foundation we laid with Allie up to the most recent conversation looked like
this:
2-years-old
We
started early and kept it simple.
Started talking about adoption and what adoption means.
3 to 5-years-old
We discussed
how every child grow’s in a mother’s tummy, but she can’t always keep her baby
for different reasons and that she loves him/her so much that she wanted to
make sure her baby would be safe and in a loving home with parents who would
take care of them. We also explained
that God arranges some kids to be raised by parents whose tummy they didn’t
grow in. We talked about why some kids
are adopted (our example was some birth moms are sick and can’t take care of
their baby)
We
continued having conversations with Allie about adoption and slowly introduced
that she didn’t grow in my tummy, but God chose her daddy and I to be her
parents. We read books and poems about
adoption to Allie and we talked about how special adoption is.
We
spoke about adoption about every month.
Just bringing it up in special ways.
As Allie got a little older, she began telling people she didn’t grow in
my tummy, but God chose us to be her parents.
She began asking questions, so we started telling her, the whole story,
starting with a simple version about how she grew in Aunt Pam’s tummy, but Aunt
Pam was sick and couldn’t take care of her, even though she wanted to and loves
Allie very much. We told Allie how
blessed and lucky we are that Aunt Pam chose us to be her parents and that it
was all planned out beautifully by God.
6-years-old
Just
recently, she and I were laying in bed one Saturday morning and she began
asking more questions. So, I began
telling her about the day she was born.
I told her how we were all at the hospital and we were so excited to
meet her and even though Aunt Pam couldn’t take care of her, she knew that she
would be safe and live a happy life with us, so we got to take her home with us
and she became our baby. We often speak
about how God chose Allie for us. Allie
asks us often to tell stories about her when she was “little.” She thinks this is so amazing to hear stories
about herself and, so we often throw in her adoption story and she just smiles.
I
recently posted a quote on Instagram, by Brooke Hampton that reads, “speak to
your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical
humans on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.” We take this same approach with our
discussions about adoption. We speak of
adoption as it is the most magical and incredible experience and how it is so
special for children who are adopted as well as the parents who adopted
them.
Every
story is unique, and every situation is so different. We can never predict how our children are
going to respond to their own unique adoption story, but starting when they are
young certainly helps build a foundation to make them feel so loved and
special.
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